An experience of abuse and regret [TW]
[TW]: This piece contains someone's experience of abuse when they were a child, and how they believe we can stop such abuse. Please do not read if you find the topic to be triggering.
It happened when I was seven, or eight. It has been a decade now and I don't even know if it's worth pursuing confrontation in my case. I have moved on, and now remember the incident as a bad dream, and it is fading away.
He is my maternal uncle and I have met him thousands of times since then. I haven't forgiven him and his company still makes me uncomfortable. I try not to be alone with him or any other of my uncles.
The only thing is that it has affected my relationship with my extended family. I don't like my uncles and I don't like their family. I do sometimes wonder if it happened to any of my cousins, but I am too afraid to talk to them. What if I am the only one? What if it has happened to all of us? Either of the possibilities is nerve-racking.
Every Friday till 2015 he use to visit us for lunch.. During 2012-2013 it's in a regular basis. After lunch when he use to come and sleep in my room , he starts touching me and asking me to do the same with him. He use to put his hands between my legs and also asks me to do the same. Those days are very difficult , the only thing I am scared of is that my Mumma will never accept the fact against her brother.
I have kept as a secret till 2019 until I visited a counselor. I used to stay separately from all the socials, parties and family gatherings. I still think that he is capable of doing such things with me again. That's really something which suffocates me a lot. At that time, I did whatever he asked me to do. It was only after I came to understand what my rights are and that what I did with him was a sexual act, that it started to bother me. I can't share it with anyone because I am afraid people are going to say 'but you participated in it, so it shouldn't bother you'. But it does (bother me). A few years back I watched the show, Satyamev Jayate and became aware of the fact that it was a crime, and that I was abused. That uncle still lives in the same house and has grandchildren. I have seen him a few times. I don't feel anything about it. It was disgusting what he did but what is done is done. I just hope he doesn't do it with his grandchildren.